Young, Black, Stay-At-Home-Mom
The gift that keeps on giving - The job that never ends.
I never really considered being a Homemaker as a kid. Lawyer - YES! Manager of cardiovascular at Tuomey Hospital - YES! Pharmacist - YES! Wife and Mom - YES! Unemployed- ehhhhhh..... lol. Even after the birth of my first son, I was home for a few months...but I loathed it. I needed work! I loved working! And sure enough, I was back at a 9-5 as soon as I found one!
Moving to Kuwait changed a lot. While I came with the idea that I'd start working - that is not what happened! I unintentionally became a Stay-At-Home-Mom at the age of 23. Back then I didn't even know what that really meant. In my very driven mind...I was unemployed and mooching off of my significant other. There was no rest for the busy body. I cooked 3 meals a day, packed lunches, sang educational songs with our 2-year-old, did all the laundry, cleaned, mopped...THE MOST. I did it almost every single day, because to do any less meant I wasn't "earning my keep"...and we couldn't have that!
At the time, I didn't know any other SAHMs that were my age and looked like me. Everyone around me worked - hard. I watched my friends finish school, get jobs, progress, and here I was...sitting at home, cooking meals and playing Thundercats with my 3-year-old. I was constantly looking for and applying for jobs, and defending the positives that I never really believed when people would make remarks about my at home status. It would be years before I would be able to see the beauty in the opportunity I was given.
By the time our son was 4/5, I had found a nice rhythm. Less were the days of feeling like I had to run myself ragged just to appear as if I'd "done something today". No introspective epiphany...just getting older and settling in to the REAL of day-to-day life as a mom and a wife! My son and I started our homeschooling journey around this time as well. Our days now focused on him learning to read (geez I'm happy we're past this point, lol), and me finding things and people outside of our home that interested me. I was connected to a few other SAHMs here, one of which, lived in my building. Gone were the days of doing nothing by myself. Now, I had someone to "do nothing with". Lol! We would sit and watch the kids play, drink tea, chat about life and what we were cooking for dinner, then we would go back to our respective homes, feed our kids and our husbands, and do it again the next day!
▫️In retrospect - this makes me realize even more how crucial it is to seek out others that are doing the same thing you're doing. If you're a young SAHM, you need to find other SAHMs that are flourishing in their roles. If you're an entrepeneur, find other entrepeneurs. People who've never done what you're doing, often don't have the tools necessary to support your journey.▫️
Now let me say, even though I had a better at home routine, I would still spend a few hours every week looking for jobs. And as the adage says, if you go looking for it, you will find it... and that's exactly what happened. Through a friends connection, I got hired at a job that was just what I needed! It allowed me to work from home, make money, and enjoy that fulfillment of a JOB well done! Timing was good too! Our son was older and we'd settled into a good school rhythm.
I continued to work with that company for 2 years until they closed - but by that time I had the working bug. I spent the next couple of years running my own small businesses - all from the comforts of my home! In theory, these were probably my best at home years as I had the balance of personal growth and advancement in conjunction with being present and available to whatever our son's daily needs were. I say in theory because during that time I still lacked an appreciation for my SAHM status!
That lack of appreciation, brought me to make the decision to take on a real job (one with a person I have to report to). Now granted, I had reasons for taking the position as well, but, everything glitters in comparison when you don't appreciate what you have! Our son was practically self sufficient now - cell phone included. I could finally be something more than "JUST a Stay-At-Home-Mom".
Now with the addition of our 2nd son, I'm missing home more than anything! I appreciate things like making my guys dinner, working out together (when we can), sitting on the couch watching movies, having time to just enjoy the moments as they come, and full time mommy-ing. Even with all the flexibility my job offers, I'm bound to it. With age I've realized how incredibly precious every moment of our kids lives are.
This year we've decided it's time for mommy to go back to being a full-time SAHM...at least for a little while. Believe me, it isn't an easy one, but I'm grateful that my husband puts a heavy value on the importance of my role in our home and in our children's lives.
I'm looking forward to sleeping in on occasion...I've missed that! Lol!